Losing Time

Have you ever lost time?

Wednesday was a good morning – school visit – nice conversation – and I got home, and the day slowed down. I had a list of things to do. I sat down. Started. Got distracted. Left the house to take care of a big errand, had a nice walk. And sat down again, and time passed. I was aware that my mind was getting pulled in several directions – things I was going to take care of. I spent time thinking about what to do next, what steps. I got distracted by an email. Then a call. I kept replanning. I paused to play a game. Came back to the same spot, having made little progress. Fortunately I got a text around 6 – was I coming? And I was aware that I should have already left – it was a meeting I was happy to be invited to, just 20 minute’s walk away. But I thought thoughts about what else I had to do, and 20minutes later I had not stood up. Well, I did, and arrived late (and realized I had misunderstood what the meeting was – a story for another day – but nice people with good priorities – glad I made it)

I didn’t fall asleep. I certainly didn’t “black out.” I just thought, considered, got distracted, planned, thought… all the right things, except I didn’t do anything.

And then Thursday I worked and was not in a good mood (work these days makes me happy, so that was strange). I couldn’t let go of the frustration from the day. Plus I lost something, and hunted and hunted and hunted for it, retracing steps, almost compulsively (earbud – set it down at Wednesday’s meeting – I picked it up Friday). Thursday evening, of course, I was hunting, and running thoughts through my head, and getting nothing done.

Friday early in the morning I volunteer. My absence or presence is unimportant, I am part of a larger group, and who is there is there. I did not sleep well and decided to take the day to recover. But I was unable to finish anything. I made a list. I checked nothing off it. Same thing. I was aware that I was losing time, but I was losing time.

Saturday – I had weekend plans, but minor, and had undone them. Free day. I would break out. And take a nice walk. And I didn’t. Ten item “to do” list – knowing I would get to some, but not all. I didn’t take a walk. And I checked off exactly one item. And now here I am today, Sunday, and I am behind again, still behind. But feeling better (my thoughts), and ready to go for a walk. Let’s see. I should get some stuff done.

What happened?

I do fall behind on daily tasks, and on bigger work. That’s me. And I catch up. Also me. And this winter’s been ok for me. So nothing out of the ordinary. Not sure what broke on Wednesday. But clearly something did. I got some news that maybe was worse than I realized. I didn’t process it as sad, but maybe it was. And I had a conversation at some point (Friday?) about a relative who has some degree of “time blindness” – nothing like planting an idea. But I had already been barely treading water for two days.

Back on track?

I think so. I expect to come back here with an update in one day: Second half of Sunday was fine, and Monday was fine. We will see.

Ideas?

This is just weird. There’ve been times I didn’t do much – got lazy, got stuck on a project, or in a book. But to get frozen for a few days? Never. Just weird.

So first, want to make sure I’m out of “it” – whatever “it” was.

And second, I’m really curious what “it” was.

Postscript

Knocked off a few emails, some light cleaning, and got outside (Van Cortlandt Park). This’ll be ok. Still want to figure out what happened.

Some Buds